Sheep walks into a diner (three)

As life gets more strange for us all, sheep and squirrel walk into the diner, perhaps for the last time for some time.


Sheep Walks into a Diner (Three)

Sheep: The nut roast! You didn’t want to come and now it’s the nut roast!

Squirrel: Well, we’re here now.

Sheep: One last carrot and camomile smoothie, I said. You’re not even a proper vegan. And after all the fuss about me going to the fleece-dresser.

Squirrel: I just said it’s not safe.

Sheep: You questioned whether my ample backside was two metres from my face, as I recall.

Squirrel: I was explaining social distancing. And I’m sure I didn’t say backside.

Sheep: I just want to look nice. Is that so bad? For my wildflower grazing project. Dolly’s been on the website two years running. Just one time – why can’t it be me?

Waitress: Nut roast with all the trimmings? Carrot and camomile smoothie?

Squirrel: Thank you.

Sheep: That waitress always looks at me funny and now she’s standing practically on the other side of the room. What’s that all about?

Squirrel: You don’t even know it’s going ahead. It might not be safe.

Sheep: Standing around in a meadow munching? It’s what sheep do best.

Squirrel: You’d need to cut out all the gossiping under the trees.

Sheep: Gossiping! We’re digesting. And why would I even want to gossip with Dolly? You know she had her ancestry done – pure Jacob, back twenty-six generations. I ask you.

Squirrel: Anyway I think your fleece looks…

Sheep: Don’t say it, just don’t say it. Please.

Squirrel: I just think it looks lovely as it is.

Miranda 2020

Stay safe folks. x

Sheep Walks into a Diner (two)


Sheep Walks into a Diner (again)

A play for three characters: Squirrel, Sheep, Waitress

(100 words of dialogue)

Setting: A diner.

Squirrel: Two sheeps?

Sheep: Two sleeps, not sheeps. Anyway the plural is sheep.

Squirrel: I know that.

Sheep: And you thought I didn’t? Shh! It’s that waitress again, the one who looks at us funny.

Waitress: What can I get you?

Squirrel: The nut-burger please.

Sheep: Is the mango smoothie vegan?

Waitress: Sure.

Sheep: Anyway this article said two periods of sleep, not one long one, used to be much more common and even today some folks are probably programmed for more than one sleep.

Squirrel: And?

Sheep: Well it all makes sense, only I’m programmed for…

Squirrel: Four or five sleeps.

Sheep: There speaks the guy who dozes away half the winter.

Miranda Lewis (2017)

It’s been a while, but here we are back at Friday Fiction, hosted by the writer, diplomat, cat-herder and generally delightful purple-clad Rochelle.

And it would seem (possibly to some bemusement) we are back in the diner with my good friends Sheep and Squirrel. To those of you not acquainted they are just your average inter-species couple trying to get along in a world that is not always kind.

Thanks to all who visit and most especially those who stay to comment. For more stories try here. Thanks to Dale Rogerson for the photo. (Please do not use the photo for any other purpose than an entry to Friday Fiction.)

Sheep Walks into a Diner


Sheep Walks into a Diner

(A play for three characters: setting a diner.)

Sheep: Over here by the window, like a Dennis Hopper painting.

Squirrel: (Hooves on lino, chairs scraping.) Edward Hopper.

Sheep: Sorry? Anyway, I was thinking of pink for my fleece this Christmas.

Squirrel: Gods preserve us under glass cases.

Sheep: You really have absolutely no idea what it’s like for me do you.

Squirrel: I am officially vermin.

Sheep: But not part of the food chain.

Squirrel: Well some might disagree. And that nutcase president hasn’t helped – spitting image of the European red.

Waitress: What can I get you folks?

Squirrel: The pecan pie please.

Sheep: Is the chocolate milkshake gluten free?

Squirrel: You know what, pink would be lovely.

M J Lewis 2016

Here is my contribution to Friday Fiction – a cheeky 100 words, not including title and character names, but does include sound directions. For a world of fiction (probably, but not definitely, less surreal than mine) click here.

Thanks and best wishes for the holidays to our host Rochelle. Thanks also to Roger Bultot for the photo and to all who visit.

And a happy midwinter to all!